Shadow Hearts II: Retrieving Regrets
by Tiger5913
Summary: When she inherited his sword, he had left behind not only his legacy, but also his memory and his essence. [Tiger is back, folks! And with a... Karin x Nicolai.]


12/8/05

Disclaimer: The characters in this fic, such as Karin, Nicolai, etc. don't belong to me; they are property of Midway, so don't sue! ;.;

Dedications: God, my friends, my cousins, my readers, Aruze for gracing this magnificent RPG with a sequel – despite the ending they chose to go off of – and finally, sudden inspiration for hitting me on the bus one afternoon and giving me the idea to write this.

Special dedication to: all of my fans, for waiting so long for me to write a new fic.

**Shadow Hearts II: Retrieving Regrets**

**By Tiger5913**

The long, sharp blade of his former sword gleamed silver on normal, everyday occasions… except when it shined a certain familiar shade of alluring green that would immediately snare her attention.

In the clear reflection of the elegant, yet deadly weapon, she saw his eyes hovering and sending a gaze back at her, lingering as if she was the sole reason of their presence. She had always shivered a bit at the intensity of the glare, and then tried to look away, but they held her captive. Unable to resist the pull into his memories as she had refused him, she would stay entranced and allow her mind to be flooded with images of _him_. The man who had once been her ally, and then revealed his true intentions; he was the enemy that had later professed his love for her and tempted her to leave the security of her friends.

Oooh, how that memory infuriated her, to think that he would try such a vindictive ploy! Even more frustrating was her own silent admission that for a second, she had actually considered giving into his plea and leaving the others to go along with him. Except… except that she wasn't completely sure if it really was a mere ploy… for as clearly as she remembered his persuasive words, she also recalled the sincerity – and possibly even a hint of vulnerability – in his eyes. If he was truly evil, would he have the capability to love someone? How could he be in the Light class if his heart was actually dark with malice?

Even now, she could hear his confession in her ear, and she detected just a hint of desperation in his voice as he had asked – no, begged, for her to part from the group and be with him instead. His words of love had made her ache inwardly, a pang of longing haunting her delicate heart as she wished for another man to say those exact same words to her. But she knew full well that it would never happen… she couldn't compete with a deceased lover that had sacrificed her life for the man she loved. Even in death, she still had a hold on him, taking up so much of his heart and soul that he would never do anything more than look at other women.

But _him_… the young cardinal that had stunned her with his powerful feelings… he could give her everything that she craved and wanted. He could give the security of his protection, the warmth of his hearty affections, the firm feel of his arms wrapped tightly around her as he breathed his devotion into her ear… She didn't want him to revive and bring back her beloved dead family as he'd proposed once before, but the other promises he had made were just what she wished for in the depths of her heart. How had he known what she wanted? Was he really so cruel and manipulative, or was he just somehow in-tune with her needs?

She was sitting on the bed now, brooding within the veil of dim candlelight as she polished and shined her sword – which was _his_ former sword. In the last battle between him and her allies, he had dropped his prized weapon at the fight's end, and it had somehow skittered over and came to a stop nearby her feet. Even with all the chaos going on, she'd felt compelled to bend down and pick up the sheathed length, and she held it closely to her side as she and her friends escaped from the Apoina Tower. A couple of them looked at the red-haired woman curiously as she glanced closely at the sword and delicately ran her fingers along the cool surface, but no one asked her anything about it.

In the present time, she gazed out the window into the darkness of the night, viewing the quiet and quaint Japanese village, though she showed little interest in the environment. Instead, her line of sight was drawn toward the direction of the Immortal Mountain looming over the horizon, which happened to be the next destination of the group. Even before the Inugami Village leader had informed everyone of their enemy's current location, the redheaded swordswoman had somehow already sensed where he was. Somewhere deep within her, she had felt his call, a silent plea in her mind that begged for her to go to him, to confront Astaroth and overcome the powerful demon, to… save him? It was a bit ironic that an exorcist needed exorcising…

Yes, she could still hear his soundless cry even now… he was speaking to her without words, without physical presence, and yet she understood his message clearly. He wanted her to go to him; she was the only one he could ask help from now; he wanted to have control over his own body instead of being strung along like a puppet; but most of all, he needed her. He knew that she had no obligation to assist him – and in fact, people usually didn't help their enemies – but she nevertheless felt compelled to do something for him. The young priest was possessed and powerless at the mercy of Astaroth, but she was most empathetic toward his loneliness, for she herself also been devastated with solitude before.

Maybe it was unfair of her to judge him through a black-and-white perspective; maybe he wasn't good, but he wasn't entirely evil either – he could just be taking the wrong path to his intended destination. If everyone were to be labeled by their actions, then the leader of the group of friends, the man that she was in love with, had a questionable stance himself. His alliance was clear, but some of the things he had done were… considerably unorthodox, so to speak, and yet no one had thought of affiliating him with evil. The similarities and sharp contrasts between the two men made her slightly uneasy and definitely conflicted with indecision. She was troubled with the age-old question of whether to follow her brain and intelligence, or go with her heart and feelings.

"_Please come with me…"_

The memory of his plea made her tremble with remembrance of the raw need that had been in his voice, adamant in his desire to convince her of their union.

And now, once again, he was asking her for alliance; should she refuse him again? …Did she want to? Should she stay with her group of friends and go on with their journey, or should she leave the conformity and fight of her own free will? How much longer could she stand being around other people that had the purpose, drive, and determination to see everything to the end? And… how many more battles would she risk her life in, just so she could have the opportunity to be close to the man that she loved? How many more times would she have to listen to the young Russian princess gush over how they would make such a cute couple? How many more nights would the swordswoman cry herself to sleep when she was faced with the reality that he would never return her affections?

The redheaded warrior hardened her gaze at the questions plaguing her mind, and at the end of the long reel, she realized that she knew that full and well. She adored the company of her present allies – though she would admit that she didn't know the recently-joined samurai too well – and considered them good friends, but she had put aside her needs for long enough. The positive aspects of traveling with the others weren't worth the inner agonies she had to put up with to fight along their side. Never again did she want her heart to pound frantically or swell with affection when the man she loved merely looked at her with a friendly smile, the same that he bestowed to everyone else.

Somewhere within that large, distant mountain over in the distance, there was a man that needed and wanted her; she wasn't sure if he truly loved her, but he was willing to give her happiness. With him, she could feel fulfilled, as he had promised her that he would do anything to bring her happiness, and she certainly wouldn't have to fear her affections getting scorned if she grew to love him one day. As it was, she admittedly already harbored an attraction to him, and silently mused that if she spent more time in close cohorts with him, surely her feelings would develop further. But before jumping too ahead in the future, she first had to figure out a way to reach him, and save him from the evil demon that was currently controlling his body.

_Maybe I can defeat Astaroth together with everyone, and then after that… he can take me away,_ she devised silently, forming a plan in her mind.

If everything worked out as she intended, then tomorrow would be the last journey that she took with her friends, and despite her discomfort of her feelings for their leader, she would miss all of them without a doubt. Traveling with the others had brought about self-discovering many qualities that she'd always wanted, but had feared she couldn't obtain because of her questionable-effectiveness as an army lieutenant. But in the same experience, she had lost her heart to a man that was unable to give his to her, and the constant bitter reminder of her first love was getting to be too much to bear. The distraught woman knew that the longer she stayed with him, the more her feelings would grow, and the more devastating her heartache would be when he made his disinterest clear to her.

But tomorrow, things would be different. Tomorrow, she would have security and so much more, for she would be with a man that wanted her, needed her, and maybe even loved her. She would no longer be trapped by her feelings, or wish for things that could never happen. Innocent of its overwhelming power, she had been blinded and disillusioned by love, and she could only hope to recover if she left from the man that presently held her heart. Intoxicated with the promise of being in a better situation, the female warrior felt her exhausted mind begin to shut down and so she closed her eyes, once again seeing _him_ behind her twin lids. Did she want to go because she truly had feelings for him, or was she obsessed with what he had to offer? Whatever the truth was, tomorrow, she would find out.

"_Karin, I love you…"_

With her decision made and her mind at rest, Karin Koenig was finally able to lie back down onto the mat and close her eyes, allowing the peaceful night to lull her to sleep.

She had rejected him before, but she would answer his call this time, and invite him into her life.

_Nicolai… I'll come to you._

**The End**

**Author's Note:** Hello, all my lovely readers! I'm so sorry that I took this long to get out another fic, and my only excuse is that a lot of things have happened in my life lately. Finals are next week, and before I plunge myself into an ocean of studying, I wanted to get out a little fic to you guys and let you know that I'm back to the land of writing. :D I'm working on getting the next installment of drabbles out, as well as finally finishing Part Five of The Belated Honeymoon. Please be patient with me, everyone, heh. Well anyway, thank you for reading this piece, and please leave a review to let me know what you think!

**With love for my fans,**

**Tiger5913**


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